On a warm morning in Hawke's Bay, three women sit together sharing stories that span more than thirty years. Two first came to Birthright in the 1990s as young mothers facing loneliness, poverty and the uncertainty of raising children without support. The third spent many years as a Birthright family worker, walking alongside hundreds of parents who were finding their feet again.
Their reflections reveal what Birthright has quietly done for generations: offer connection when people feel alone, dignity when life feels overwhelming and practical help when survival leaves no room for anything else.
Starting again alone and unsure
One woman remembers returning to New Zealand after the breakdown of her marriage overseas, three children in tow and no support network around her.
“I had lived in England for 13 years. When I came home with my kids, all my friends had moved on. I had to begin again.”
Her mother, a Birthright volunteer, encouraged her to visit. That small encouragement changed everything.
“The coffee mornings were the biggest, best thing. We could talk, laugh, cry and everybody understood what life was like.”
Another woman, who had her first child at seventeen, describes the exhausting mix of poverty, trauma and responsibility.
“I was alone and lonely, lonely. I did not know how to parent. I had been working since I was nine. We had to look after ourselves growing up. I did not know what normal family life looked like.”
Birthright became the place where she could breathe again.
“I could go with horrible children or lovely children and everyone just understood.”
The worker who never stopped caring
While the first two women arrived at Birthright looking for help, the third was already working there, often into the night.
“I had about 200 families. I worked from my kitchen bench for a long time. They would phone me at 10 o’clock at night. They did not know I was also a single parent, but it helped. I understood where they were coming from.”
Her work ranged from crisis support to food deliveries to finding funds for experiences that allowed children to explore the world and parents to rest.
“I would send kids to camp. It gave the parents a break and the kids a break. Some had never seen the sea and we were only a few miles from it.”
Families often remember not the formal supports but the warmth and presence she offered.
One former client recalls a moment that stayed with her.
“I had been chatting to someone who seemed a bit down, just about the weather or whatever. Later a colleague told me that conversation had made a real difference to her. That really hit me. You do not always realise how much a simple hello can mean.”
It was not counselling and it was not a programme. It was human connection, something Birthright has offered quietly since the beginning.
Moments that shaped a life
Looking back now, the moments that mattered most were often small. They were acts of care that shifted someone's sense of what was possible.
One woman remembers how a trial childcare placement helped her find confidence.
“Trial care opened the childcare world for me. Working gave me that feeling of being worth something.”
Another remembers the joy that generosity could spark even when resources were limited.
“We went to pick up donated apples once. We did not have cars or phones. Someone gave us a lift. We collected all these apples and it turned into this lovely day together.”
And then there were the Christmas gifts, sometimes new and sometimes used, always chosen with care.
“A little boy picked this battered old toy truck. The look on his face, I will never forget it.”
For families with nothing, having a choice was powerful.
Helping parents breathe again
Every story contains a simple truth. Birthright helped parents breathe again.
The support was always more than food parcels or budgeting help. It was the chance to reset, to be listened to, to learn new skills and to practise child centred parenting at a time when life felt overwhelming.
One woman describes how what she learnt at Birthright now guides her as she raises her grandchildren.
“I have learnt to stop and breathe before I open my mouth. That alone has changed my whole relationship with my daughter. She has struggled for years. But now we have good phone calls. The kids can hear us talking kindly. That is massive.”
These small shifts change the emotional climate of a household and can shape the future of a child’s life.
Generations shaped by support
The young mothers who once sat in Birthright’s coffee mornings are now watching their own children and grandchildren flourish. They include a business owner, a police officer, an IT specialist and grandchildren who are learning to name their feelings with the help of Birthright counsellors.
One grandmother speaks with pride about her seven year old grandson.
“The day after grief counselling, he has good days, not swearing, not hitting, not angry. He is learning what it feels like to be good.”
Another reflects on how Birthright supported both her and her sister through their hardest moments.
“I do not get suicidal. But I do get low. These ladies helped me through that and they helped my sister too. Birthright saved us.”
For the former family worker, these turning points were what kept her going.
“I remember women who went on to train as nurses. One topped her class after wanting to give up so many times. Those were the things that mattered.”
Not just for single parents but for every family who needs us
Birthright’s history is deeply connected to supporting single parent families and these families still face unique and unfair disadvantages. But all three women agreed that the term single parent never captured the reality of their lives.
“My kids have four lots of people who want them for Christmas. Each gives them something different. Families do not fit neat labels.”
Today Birthright supports any family who needs help, whether they are led by one parent, two parents, grandparents raising mokopuna, blended families or whānau navigating housing stress, trauma or financial hardship.
Some families have especially tough journeys, including many led by one parent. But the door is open to anyone who needs support, connection and guidance.
The mission remains simple. Every child deserves to grow up safe, supported and hopeful, whatever their family looks like.
Share your story
Birthright is inviting others who grew up with Birthright support or who raised children with our help to share their stories.
Your experience may help another parent feel less alone. It may help us protect and grow the work that changed these families’ lives.
If Birthright has been part of your journey in big or small ways, we would love to hear from you at hello@birthright.co.nz